Being sent forth

I should really be getting sleep now so that the viral cesspool doesn't brew again - I've been fighting off illness for about a week. However, I have to take some time out to brag about my friends. They are just some of the most thoughtful, considerate and generous people, a person could be graced with knowing. On Saturday, they threw a "see you later" party for me at the Irving House. Barrels of food from Eliz Kim's good dip to Young Mi's Madeleine's to Sandra's meringues descended upon the food table:





Sandra spearheaded a wonderful, lighthearted warm evening with the help and generosity of my other L.A. family. It was a perfect party, and I wouldn't have wanted it or needed it any other way.

Chris opened up with a time of worship and praise, choosing some of my favorite songs. At the end of the fourth song, he turns to me and says, "This is for you, Michelle." He goes on to sing a ballad, eyes closed, opening them now and then to smile at me. There's lyrics about wanting to see the world as you see it. Wanting to understand it the way you do. I'm thinking, is he singing about God? Finally, at the bridge, he is crooning about missing me. Oh! ME! My boyfriend wrote an original song about me and serenaded me in front of some of my closest friends. If I had an actual clue sooner, I would've cried. But by the time I felt my sinuses pinch and my tear ducts fill when this bright blogger "got it", the song was over. (He says he'll encore it for me. I will cry then for sure).



Bethany, mistress of ceremonies, opened up the floor for me to discuss my prayer requests. She then asked people to affirm gifts that I have specifically, and give words of encouragement. At least three fourths of everyone there shared. And with everything they said, I just felt so incredibly humbled, spirits buoyed - essentially, I became a bit braver and more confident. These people were not paid, by the way, though one might have thought they were. These were people who have known me - some, as Maestro Wong pointed out - for nine years. What I mean is, they know the good and bad. And they love me in the midst of everything else. And thats what love is. Its a blessing. Thank you, God! (Dear reader, if you do not have friends like these - and you don't need to go away for six months to find out if you do - I suggest getting some! Better yet, be that kind of a friend! Here's the sassy group:



And the second wave of folks (sans Thena and Ted and Helen - boo!):



I wrote down everything that each person shared about me. It was a blessing to me. So many people said things that I feel like were from God, Himself. A way that He wanted to use my friends to speak to me and my heart for a mission that is not my own, but His. After that, Bethany began a prayer time.

Then the crying began.

I know I've said this before, but it is wild to me that people would shed one tear over my absence. I'm serious. This is not a low self esteem thing, but its more like, "Wow, I can't believe you feel that way about me!" It is deeply, almost -how shall I say? - incategorably humbling and touching. It has added a deeper dimension for me in terms of intimacy. It teaches me something. That is, I want also to experience that love for others. Not just strangers in a third world country, but I mean the love for the people you just live with, the people you know on a day to day level. The people who you allow to know you. There are people who can lay down their lives for strangers, but somehow when it comes to just saying, "I love you" or "I'm sorry" to their families, spouses or best friends it is the hardest thing in the world! God help me, that I can be that person - a person not just simply good for the adventurous task, but a person who is steadfast enough to accompany someone on the long road ahead.

And then I cried.

What overwhelmed me was just the gift of friendship and kinship. That unnatural, unexplainable thing that points to the evidence of God. And I thanked God for that - cos no one deserves it, but He certainly doesn't withold it!

Thanks, everyone, for your prayers. They help shape my beliefs, which in turn shape my decisions, which in turn shape my character, and in turn, it shapes my future.

Thank you.